Hoping for something is not the same as intending it
Recently a friend complained to me that he wasn’t happy with his sales job because the pay was low and nobody was making commissions. The problem was that the targets for earning commssions were set too high, so even the top performers were earning nothing more than their basic salary.
I asked my friend what his plan was and he said he was working hard in the hope that he would get a promotion, which would give him a little more money. But from our discussion so far it seemed that this company was already taking more from their staff than what they were giving and that this ‘hoping’ for a promotion was a very weak position.
I encouraged my friend to move into a stronger, more proactive position by asking him what someone who was really confident might do. There were several options: Read More
What if almost everything you believed about finding happiness turned out to be inaccurate, misleading or false? The happiness trap - How searching for happiness can lead to more pain and suffering.
Read MoreProcrastination is about putting off a behaviour until later, or simply avoiding it altogether. As all behaviour is actually driven by emotion, the only reason you will avoid doing something is if your mind thinks it’s going to feel unpleasant when doing that task.
I have identified at least 5 common reasons why we procrastinate: Read More
Magical beliefs are the hidden formulations we use to try and ‘magically’ change our reality in order to create a desired feeling. Like all good spells, they describe something we have to do in order to have something that will make us feel happy.
Without knowing it we live by these magical beliefs and constantly try to make our spells work, despite overwhelming evidence that nothing is happening and we’re just feeling more and more miserable. I thought I was immune from such thinking until I discovered a very powerful belief that went like this: ‘When I find something of value to offer in the world, people will approve of me and I will be happy’. Read More
We all have goals and dreams – things we’d love to achieve in our lives. But have you ever wondered whether some of those dreams are really what you’re meant to do in life or whether they are simply fantasies?
At a Passion Test workshop recently someone asked me that very question. Say, for example, you dream of becoming a renowned concert pianist. Is this a worthy goal or is it an ego-based delusion?
Well, here’s a test you can do to help you identify what’s behind your dreams and goals.
Step 1: Extracting the Value
Every goal you set for yourself will be inspired by a higher-level value or emotional state of being. We all do things because of how they make us feel, right? So this feeling is the true motivation of your actions – and it’s going to tell you a lot about whether your goals are worthy of pursuing. To access this value, you simply ask the following question repeatedly until the answers start repeating: ‘When you have what you’re looking for, what will that get you?’
You’ll end up with high-level Values like happiness, fulfillment, security, and inspiration.
Step 2: Testing the Value
Once you have the Value you’re trying to elicit, you need to test whether you can get the same Value without achieving success in your goal. In other words, are you dependent on a physical outcome in order to achieve the desired emotional state. Why do we need to do this? Because a dream is only worthy if it’s done for its own sake and is not an attempt to buy happiness or some other state of being (remember all that about staying in The Now).
The way to test this is simply to ask, ‘Suppose you never achieve goal, will you still be able to be Value?’ (Replace Value with the particular state of being that’s motivating your goal, for example ‘happy’).
Let’s look at some examples.
Example: “I want to write and publish successful novels”
Step 1: Extracting the Value
When you have written and published this novel, what will that get you?
‘An audience, fame.’
And when you have an audience and fame, what will that get you?
‘Money.’
And when you have money, what will that get you?
‘I’ll be able to do the things I love.’
And when you are doing the things you love, what will that get you?
‘I’ll be inspired, at ease.’
When you are inspired and at ease, what will that get you?
‘Happiness’
So the Value here is happiness, with the flavour of inspiration and ease.
Step 2: Testing the Value
Suppose you’re never able to write and publish those novels. Can you still be happy?
‘I don’t think so. It would be difficult.’
So this tells us that the person is wanting to buy happiness by writing novel. They are dependent on a physical outcome in order to achieve an emotional state. They don’t actually want to write novels because it’s their deep purpose and joy, so this goal is an ego fantasy.
Let’s try something else:
Example: “I want to be a renowned concert pianist”
Step 1: Extracting the Value
When you are a renowned concert pianist, what will that get you?
‘The joy of performing in front of large numbers of people, the excitement of performance, the knowledge that I’m creating a moving experience for people.’
When you are experiencing the excitement of performing in front of large numbers of people, and you’re creating a moving experience for them, what does this get you?
‘Joy and inspiration – I’ll be living my purpose.’
And when you’re joyful and inspired, living your purpose, what will that get you?
‘Pure joy and gratitude, pure inspiration. ‘
So the Values here are joy, gratitude and inspiration.
Step 2: Testing the Value
Just suppose you’re never, ever able to be a renowned concert pianist – will you still be able to feel joyful and inspired and grateful in your life?
‘Yes. I enjoy playing piano regardless of the size of the audience. I can still feel that joy and inspiration if I’m playing for one person or just for myself. It would be great, though, to play to thousands of people. That would really turn me on.’
In this example, the person is not dependent on a physical outcome to achieve their desired emotional state of feeling joyful, inspired, and grateful. They recognize that they have access to these feelings already, so their work as a musician is done for the joy of it. Of course, they will be paid for their work, but it’s not the primary motive, it’s simply the natural energy exchange for the work they love doing.
Conclusion
Many of us make the mistake of thinking that by having something or doing something we’ll achieve a lasting state of being. In fact, the creation process begins with being and flows to doing and having – when you are happy (a state of being), you will do things and have things that reflect this happiness.
So look carefully to see whether your desire is an attempt to reverse this order, in other words to try to achieve a state of being by having something or doing something. If you take away the having or the doing, can you still achieve that same state? If not, you need to check your motives.
Want to do The Passion Test and get clarity on your goals?
I present The Passion Test in workshops and individual sessions. Let’s work together to find out what you really want and how to get it. It all begins with finding clarity on your true purpose.
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Inspired Coaching & Hypnosis – expert coaching and hypnotherapy in Cape Town.
To find your true purpose in life, look to what you love. You don’t need to meditate and look up to the heavens – your purpose is already being shown to you by those things you would do without reward, simply because you love doing them. You can receive reward for them and you might want to and need to, but they are those things you would do even if you won the lottery. They are innate and unique – you did not put them there, they come from somewhere else.
So what can you do to get clear on what is most important to you?
Step 1: Identify your passions
Begin with the clues that are already in your life. Sit down and make a list of those things you would do if you won R30 million and didn’t need to work at all. Would you sleep all day, or would you get up and do something? Would you work at something rich in meaning but that gave little financial reward, or would you build a financial empire? Chances are good you are already doing some of the things that will form the basis of your ideal life. The only reason they haven’t manifested yet is because you haven’t got really clear on them.
“When you are clear, what you want will show up in your life, and only to the extent you are clear.” – The Passion Test, Chris and Janet Attwood.
Go deeply when you make your list and ignore, for a moment, the practicalities and all the ‘yes buts’ that your mind will probably offer. Your job right now is to get clear on what you love. When you are clear on what you want and are excited by it, the ‘how’ of things begins to take care of itself. Suddenly new possibilities open up, synchronicities happen, money appears.
Step2: Identify the top 5 passions
Go through the list, comparing one against the other, and ask yourself – if you could only have one, which would it be? Do this, comparing one item against the next, until you have your top 5. (The full process for doing this is described in The Passion Test book and is covered in my Passion Test workshops or individual coaching sessions.)
When you have your top 5 passions, write them down on a card and keep it somewhere in view. This will focus your attention on your ideal life and begin the process of manifesting it.
From passions to purpose
The Passion Test process outlined above gives you the important ‘whats’ of your life – the things you would love to be, do, or have. In my courses and individual sessions we take this further and discover the deeper reasons that motivate the passions – the ‘whys’ of your life. Once we know the motivations we can identify your Vision – your true purpose – and once we have the Vision and Purpose we can define an inspiring Mission Statement for your life. I call this process the Vision Spiral.
Here’s an example of a Mission Statement, written by an entrepreneur:
I declare that my primary purpose in life is to add value to the world by creating products and services that solve problems and bring people delight and happiness.
To do this I will create profitable and ethical businesses focused on filling voids and solving problems in the world around me.
In return I will receive handsome profits that I will use to build more businesses, to foster creative talent in less privileged people, and to build my dream home at the sea.
Inspiring? See the Workshops page for details on how you can discover your passions and write a powerful Mission Statement for your own life. Or if you’re in the Cape Town area, give me a call and we’ll schedule an appointment for some individual coaching. The Passion Test and Mission Statement can be covered in two or three sessions.
I found this great little article on heartlandsuccess.com that shows just how important it is to discover your purpose before starting any business. The most successful business are those that are created from a true sense of purpose – where the person who starts them really feels that their product or service is contributing meaning to themselves and the world.
Heartland Success LLC» 3 Keys for Quitting your job and starting a business
For details on my own coaching processes for helping you discover your purpose, see the post Finding your true purpose.
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