Magical beliefs are the hidden formulations we use to try and ‘magically’ change our reality in order to create a desired feeling. Like all good spells, they describe something we have to do in order to have something that will make us feel happy.
Without knowing it we live by these magical beliefs and constantly try to make our spells work, despite overwhelming evidence that nothing is happening and we’re just feeling more and more miserable. I thought I was immune from such thinking until I discovered a very powerful belief that went like this: ‘When I find something of value to offer in the world, people will approve of me and I will be happy’.
I was going along chanting the mantra, ‘I have something of value to offer’, little knowing that this so-called affirmation was digging me a nice little hole of distress.
I couldn’t even see how absurd it was – that I was making my value depend on a thing, and that it all depended on other people approving of this thing. Talk about a recipe for unhappiness.
I discovered another magical belief backing this one up, and it went like this: ‘When I have money, I will be OK.’ Here’s the logic of it: When I have money, it means people approve of me and value me, which means that I really am valuable, and therefore worthy of happiness.
Incredible!
Common magical beliefs
See if any of these resonate with you:
- When I have money I’ll be free
- When I am thin I’ll be happy/confident/lovable
- When I am married I will be acceptable
- When I have a relationship I will know I’m lovable
- I’m not successful as a woman unless I have a secure relationship with a man
The cure
What these spells are trying to do is change reality in order to create a feeling or state of being. In other words, the formula is, When I have something I will do something and will feel good, or Having – Doing – Being.
What we’ve got to do is reverse the order so it goes Being – Doing – Having. In other words, first be happy or free or confident, and then see what actions flow from that and what physical things end up in your life.
The Buddha said that the cause of suffering is attachment to an outcome. We demand that things happen in a certain way so that we can feel happy. But the truth of the matter is that we will never be happy while attaching to outcomes and trying to magically change reality.
Let’s see how some of those magical beliefs above can be turned around so they begin with Being:
- When I know I am free regardless of the circumstances of my life, money will be free to move where it is most needed
- When I know I am confident, happy, and worthy of love just as I am, I will no longer need to eat for emotional reasons and my body will be the weight that is just right for it
- When I know that I am acceptable to myself just as I am, I will be in the best possible position to make good marriage when the time is right
- I love myself and am happy just as I am, even as I open myself to the possibility of a wonderful relationship
- I am successful regardless of anything I do or say or have, and this success has nothing to do with my being in a relationship or not
One may feel some discomfort in trying to turn one’s magical beliefs around, but the secret is to stick with it and go deeper to locate your value in yourself, regardless of any outside evidence. To live from this state of Being is to live in the Now, unattached to outcome, truly free.
Resources
Need some help identifying and reversing magical beliefs? Let’s start the work – Life coaching in Cape Town.
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